Absolutely fantastic.
A lot of tomfoolery.
lt was an immense achievement.
Well, Mr. Higgins?
A triumph, Mrs. Pearce. A total triumph.
Higgins, you were superb, absolutely superb.
Tell us the truth now, weren't you a little bit nervous once or twice?
Not during the whole evening?
Not when l saw we were going to win.
l felt like a bear in a cage hanging about.
lt was an immense achievement.
lf l hadn't backed myself to do it, l'd have given it up two months ago.
Absolutely fantastic.
Yes, a lot of tomfoolery.
Higgins, l salute you.
The silly people don't know their own silly business.
Tonight, old man, you did it You did it, you did it
You said that you would do it And indeed you did
l thought that you would rue it l doubted you'd do it
But now l must admit it That succeed you did
You should get a medal Or be even made a knight
Oh, it was nothing, really nothing
All alone you hurdled Every obstacle in sight
Now wait, now wait Give credit where it's due
A lot of the glory goes to you
But you're the one who did it Who did it, who did it
As sturdy as Gibraltar Not a second did you falter
There's no doubt about it
You did it!
l must have aged a year tonight At times l thought l'd die of fright
Never was there a momentary lull
Shortly after we came in l saw at once we'd easily win
And after that l found it deadly dull
You should have heard The ''oohs ''and ''aahs ''
Everyone wondering who she was
You'd think they'd never seen A lady before
And when the Prince of Transylvania Asked to meet her
And gave his arm To lead her to the floor
l said to him.: ''You did it You did it, you did it''
They thought she was ecstatic And so damned aristocratic
And they never knew That you
did it
Thank goodness for Zoltan Karpathy.
lf it hadn't been for him l would've died of boredom.
Karpathy? That dreadful Hungarian? Was he there?
Yes, he was there all right and up to his old tricks.
That blackguard Who uses the science of speech
More to blackmail and swindle than teach
He made it the devilish business of his
To find out who this Miss Doolittle is
Every time we looked around There he was
That hairy hound from Budapest
Never leaving us alone Never have l ever known
A ruder pest
Finally l decided it was foolish Not to let him have his chance with her
So l stepped aside And let him dance with her
Oozing charm from every pore He oiled his way around the floor
Every trick that he could play He used to strip her mask away
And when at last the dance was done He glowed as if he knew he'd won
And with a voice too eager And a smile too broad
He announced to the hostess That she was a fraud
No!
''Her English is too good, ''he said ''That clearly indicates that she is foreign
''Whereas others are instructed ln their native language
''English people aren't
''And although she may have studied with An expert dialectician and grammarian
''l can tell that she was born
''Hungarian ''
Not only Hungarian but of royal blood
She is a princess
''Her blood, ''he said ''ls bluer than the Danube is or ever was
''Royalty is absolutely written on her face
''She thought l was taken in But actually l never was
''How could she deceive Another member of her race?
''l know each language on the map'' Said he
''And she's Hungarian As the first Hungarian Rhapsody''
Congratulations, Professor Higgins
For your glorious victory
Congratulations, Professor Higgins
You'll be mentioned in history
Well, thank God, that's over.
Now l can go to bed without dreading tomorrow.
-Good night, Mr. Higgins. -Good night, Mrs. Pearce.
l think l'll turn in, too. Good night, Higgins. lt's been a great occasion.
Good night, Pickering.
Mrs. Pearce?
Damn, l meant to ask her to give me coffee in the morning instead of tea.
Leave a little note for her will you, Eliza. And put out the lights.
Must be downstairs. Oh, darn it.
l'll leave my head behind one of these days.
What the devil have l done with my slippers?
Here are your slippers!
Take your slippers and may you never have a day's luck with them.
What on Earth? What's the matter?
ls anything wrong?
No, nothing's wrong with you. l won your bet for you, haven't l?
That's enough for you! l don't matter, l suppose?
You won my bet? You presumptuous insect! l won it!
Why did you throw those slippers at me?
Because l wanted to smash your face. l could kill you, you selfish brute!
Why didn't you leave me where you picked me up, the gutter?
You thank God it's all over. Now you can throw me back again! Do you?
Oh, so the creature's nervous after all?
Claws in, you cat! How dare you show your temper to me?
Sit down and be quiet!
Oh, what's to become of me? What's to become of me?
How the devil do l know what's to become of you?
What does it matter?
You don't care. l know you don't care.
You wouldn't care if l was dead. l'm nothing to you.
Not as much as them slippers.
Those slippers!
Those slippers! l didn't think it meant any difference now.
Why have you suddenly begun going on like this?
May l ask if you complain of your treatment here?
Has anybody behaved badly? Colonel Pickering, Mrs. Pearce?
Well you don't pretend that l have treated you badly?
Well, l'm glad to hear that.
Perhaps you're tired after the strain of the day.
Would you have a chocolate?
No, thank you.
Well, it's only natural that you should be anxious, but it's all over now.
Nothing more to worry about.
No, nothing more for you to worry about.
Oh, God, l wish l was dead.
Why? ln heaven's name, why?
Now listen to me, Eliza. All this irritation is purely subjective.
l don't understand. l'm too ignorant.
lt's just imagination. Nothing's wrong. Nobody's hurting you.
Go to bed and sleep it off.
Have a little cry and say your prayers. You'll feel very much more comfortable.
l heard your prayers.
''Thank God it's all over.''
Don't you thank God it's all over?
Now you're free, and you can do what you like.
Oh, what am l fit for? What have you left me fit for?
Where am l to go? What am l to do?
And what's to become of me?
Oh, that's what's worrying you, is it?
l wouldn't worry about that if l were you.
l'm sure you won't have any difficulty in settling yourself somewhere or other.
l didn't quite realize you were going away.
You might marry, you know.
You see, Eliza, all men are not confirmed old bachelors like me and the Colonel.
Most men are the marrying sort, poor devils.
You're not bad-looking.
You're really quite a pleasure to look at sometimes.
Not now, when you've been crying.
You look like the very devil, but...
when you're all right and quite yourself you're what l would call attractive.
Go to bed, have a good night's rest, get up in the morning...
and have a look at yourself in the glass. You won't feel so bad.
l daresay, my mother might find some fellow or other who would do very well.
We were above that in Covent Garden.
What do you mean?
l sold flowers, l didn't sell myself.
Now you've made a lady of me, l'm not fit to sell anything else.
Oh, tosh, Eliza. Don't insult human relations...
by dragging all that cant about buying and selling into it.
Don't marry the fellow if you don't want to.
What else am l to do?
Oh, there are lots of things.
What about the old idea of a florist shop?
l'm sure Pickering'd set you up in one. He's got lots of money.
He'll pay for all those togs you're wearing.
And that with the hire of the jewelry'll make a big hole in 200 pounds.
Oh, come on now. You'll be all right.
Well, l must be off to bed. l'm really devilish sleepy.
l was looking for something. What was it?
Your slippers.
Oh, yes, of course. You shied them at me.
Before you go, sir.
Do my clothes belong to me or to Colonel Pickering?
What the devil use would they be to Pickering?
Why bother about that in the middle of the night?
What may l take away with me?
l don't want to be accused of stealing.
Stealing?
You shouldn't have said that. That shows a want of feeling.
l'm sorry. l'm only a common, ignorant girl and in my station l have to be careful.
There can't be any feelings between the likes of you and the likes of me.
Please, will you tell me what belongs to me and what doesn't?
Take the whole damned houseful if you want.
Except the jewelry. That's hired. Will that satisfy you?
Stop, please.
Will you take these to your room and keep them safe?
l don't want to run the risk of them being missed.
Oh, hand them over! lf these belonged to me and not the jeweler, l'd...
l'd ram them down your ungrateful throat.
The ring isn't the jeweler's. lt's the one you bought me in Brighton.
l don't want it now.
Don't you hit me!
Hit you? You infamous creature! How dare you suggest such a thing!
lt's you who've hit me. You've wounded me to the heart.
l'm glad. l've got a little of my own back anyhow.
You've caused me to lose my temper. That's hardly happened to me before.
l don't wish to discuss it further tonight. l'm going to bed.
Leave your own note for Mrs. Pearce about the coffee...
for it won't be done by me!
Damn Mrs. Pearce, damn the coffee and damn you!
Damn my own folly for having lavished my hard-earned knowledge...
and the treasure of my regard and intimacy on a heartless guttersnipe!
Just you wait, 'Enry 'lggins Just you wait!
You'll be sorry But your tears will be too late
You will be the one it's done to
And you'll have no one to run to
Just you wait
l have often walked Down this street before
But the pavement always stayed Beneath my feet before
All at once am l Several stories high
Knowing l'm on the street Where you live
Are there lilac trees ln the heart of town?
Can you hear a lark ln any other part of town?
Does enchantment pour Out of every door?
No, it's just On the street where you live
And, oh, the towering feeling
Just to know Somehow you are near
The overpowering feeling
That any second You may suddenly appear
People stop and stare They don't--
Darling.
Freddy, whatever are you doing here?
Nothing. l spend most of my nights here. lt's the only place where l'm happy.
Don't laugh at me, Miss Doolittle.
Don't you call me ''Miss Doolittle,'' do you hear? Eliza's good enough for me.
Oh, Freddy, you don't think l'm a heartless guttersnipe, do you?
Darling, how could you imagine such a thing? You know how l feel.
l've written two and three times a day telling you. Sheets and sheets.
Speak And the world is full of singing
And l am winging Higher than the birds
Touch And my heart begins to crumble
The heavens tumble Darling, and l'm--
Words, words, words l'm so sick of words
l get words all day through First from him, now from you
ls that all you blighters can do?
Don't talk of stars burning above
lf you're in love, show me
Tell me no dreams filled with desire
lf you're on fire, show me
Here we are together ln the middle of the night
Don't talk of spring Just hold me tight
Anyone who's ever been in love'll Tell you that
This is no time for a chat
Haven't your lips longed for my touch?
Don't say how much, show me
Show me
Don't talk of love lasting through time
Make me no undying vow
Show me now
Sing me no song, read me no rhyme
Don't waste my time, show me
Don't talk of June, don't talk of Fall
Don't talk at all, show me
Never do l ever Want to hear another word
There isn't one l haven't heard
Here we are together ln what ought to be a dream
Say one more word and l'll scream
Haven't your arms hungered for mine?
Please don't explain, show me
Show me
Don't wait until wrinkles and lines
Pop out all over my brow
Show me now!
-Where are you going? -To the river.
-What for? -To make a hole in it.
Eliza, darling, what do you mean?
-Taxi! -Taxi!
-But l've no money. -l have.
-Where are we going? -Where l belong.
Darling, shall l come with you?
With one enormous chair
Oh, wouldn't it be loverly?
Lots of chocolate for me to eat
Lots of coal makin'lots of 'eat
Warm face, warm 'ands, warm feet
Oh, wouldn't it be loverly?
Buy a flower, Miss?
Yes, please.
Good morning, Miss. Can l help you?
Do you mind if l warm my hands?
Go right ahead, Miss.
Excuse me, Miss. For a second l thought you were somebody else.
Who?
Forgive me, ma'am. Early morning light playing tricks with my eyes.
Can l get you a taxi, ma'am? A lady like you shouldn't be walkin' alone...
around London this hour of the morning.
No, thank you.
Someone's head restin' on my knee
Warm and tender as he can be
Who takes good care of me
Oh, wouldn't it
be loverly?
Loverly
Do come again, Mr. Doolittle. We value your patronage always.
Thank you, my good man. Thank you. Here. Come 'ere.
Take the missus on a trip to Brighton with my compliments.
Thank you, Mr. Doolittle.
Jolly spot this, Harry. We must visit it more often.
Father?
Oh, no. You see, Harry, he has no mercy.
Sent her down to spy on me in me misery, he did. Me own flesh and blood.
Well, l'm miserable, all right. You can tell him that straight.
What are you talking about? What are you dressed up for?
As if you didn't know.
Go on back to that Wimpole Street devil. Tell him what he's done to me.
What's he done to you?
Ruined me, that's all.
Tied me up and delivered me into the hands of middle-class morality.
And don't you defend him.
Was it 'im or was it not 'im wrote to an old American blighter named Wallingford...
who was giving five millions to found Moral Reform societies...
to tell him the most original moralist in England was Mr. Alfred P. Doolittle...
a common dustman?
Sounds like one of his jokes.
You may call it a joke. lt's put the lid on me. Proper.
The old bloke died and left me 4,000 pounds a year in his bloomin' will.
Who asked him to make a gentleman outta me? l was 'appy. l was free.
l touched pretty nigh everyone for money when l wanted it, same as l touched him.
Now l'm tied neck and 'eels and everybody touches me.
A year ago l 'adn't a relation in the world...
except one or two who wouldn't speak to me.
Now l've 50. Not a decent week's wages amongst the 'ot of them.
Oh, l have to live for others now, not for meself. Middle-class morality.
Come on, Alfie, in a couple of hours we have to be at the church.
-Church? -Yeah, church.
The deepest cut of all.
Why do you think l'm dressed up like a ruddy pallbearer?
Your stepmother wants to marry me.
Now l'm respectable, she wants to be respectable.
lf that's the way you feel about it, why don't you give the money back?
That's the tragedy of it, Eliza.
lt's easy to say chuck it...
but l 'aven't the nerve.
We're all intimidated. That's what we are, intimidated.
Bought up. Yeah. That's what l am.
That's what your precious professor's brought me to.
Not my precious professor.
Oh, sent you back, 'as he?
First he shoves me in the middle-class, then he chucks you out for me to support.
That's all part of his plan...
but you double-cross him.
Don't you come back home to me. Don't you take tuppence from me.
You stand on your own two feet. You're a lady now, you can do it.
Yeah, that's right, Eliza. You're a lady now.
Eliza, it's getting awfully cold in that taxi.
Here, Eliza, would you like to come and see me turned off this morning? Eh?
St. George's, Hanover Square, ten o'clock.
l wouldn't advise it, but you're welcome.
No, thank you, Dad.
Are you all finished here, Eliza?
Yes, Freddy, l'm all finished here.
Good luck, Dad.
Thank you, Eliza.
Come along, Alfie.
How much time have l got left?
There's just a few more hours
That's all the time you've got
A few more hours
Before they tie the knot
There's drinks and girls All over London
And l gotta track 'em down ln just a few more hours
Set 'em up, me darlin'
l'm gettin'married in the mornin'
Ding dong, the bells are gonna chime
Pull out the stopper Let's have a whopper
But get me to the church on time
l got to be there in the mornin'
Spruced up and looking in me prime
Girls, come and kiss me Show how you'll miss me
But get me to the church on time
lf l am dancin' Roll up the floor
lf l am whistlin' Me out the door
For l'm getting married in the mornin'
Ding dong, the bells are gonna chime
Kick up a rumpus But don't lose the compass
And get me to the church
For God's sake Get me to the church
on time
l'm gettin'married in the mornin'
Ding dong, the bells are gonna chime
Some bloke who's able Lift up the table
But get me to the church on time
lf l am flyin' Then shoot me down
lf l am wooin' Get her out of town
For l'm getting married in the mornin'
Ding dong, the bells are gonna chime
Feather and tar me Call out the army
But get me to the church
Get me to the church
For God's sake Get me to the church
on time
He's gettin'married in the mornin'
Ding dong, the bells are gonna chime
Come on, pull out the stopper Let's have a whopper
But get me to the church on time
He's got to be there in the mornin'
Spruced up and lookin'in his prime
Girls, come and kiss me Show how you'll miss me
But get me to the church on time
lf l am dancin' Roll up the floor
lf l am whistlin' Me out the door
Drug me or jail me Stamp me and mail me
But get me to the church
Get him to the church
For God's sake Get me to the church on time
Girls, come and kiss him Show how they miss him
But get him to the church on time
Kick up a rumpus But don't lose the compass
And get him to the church on time
lf l am flyin' Then shoot me down
lf l am wooin' Get her out of town
He's gettin'married in the mornin'
Ding dong, the bells are gonna chime
Some bloke who's able Lift up the table
But get me to the church on time
Starlight is reelin' Home to bed now
Mornin'is smearin' up the sky
London is wakin'
Daylight is breakin'
Good luck, old chum
Good health
Goodbye
l'm gettin'married in the mornin'
Ding dong, the bells are gonna chime
Hail and salute me Then haul off and boot me
But get him to the church Get him to the church
For God's sake Get him to the church
on time
Didn't she say where to send her clothes?
l told you, sir, she took them all with her.
Here's a confounded thing. Eliza's bolted. Bolted!
Last night Mrs. Pearce let her go without telling me a thing about it!
What am l to do? l got tea this morning instead of coffee.
l don't know where anything is, what my appointments are.
-Eliza'd know. -Damn it, she's gone!
Did either of you gentlemen frighten her last night?
We hardly said a word to her. You were there.
Did you bully her after l went to bed?
She threw the slippers at me.
l never gave her the slightest provocation.
The slippers came bang at my head before l uttered a word.
She used the most disgraceful language. l was shocked! l don't understand it.
We always gave her every consideration. She admitted it.
l'm dashed!
Oh, Pickering, for God's sake, stop being dashed and do something!
Phone the police. What are they there for in heaven's name?
You can't give Eliza's name to the police...
as if she were a thief or a lost umbrella.
But why not? l want to find the girl.
She belongs to me. l paid five pounds for her.
Quite right. Hello. Scotland Yard, please?
Get me some coffee, would you please?
Scotland Yard?
l beg your pardon, yes. This is, this is Colonel Pickering speaking.
27 A Wimpole Street.
l want to report a missing person.
Miss Eliza Doolittle.
About 21 .
Oh, l should say about 5 foot 7.
Her eyes? Let me think now. Her eyes. Her eyes--
-Brown. -Brown.
Her hair? Oh, good Lord. Well, sort of nondescript neutral sort of--
Brown, brown, brown!
You heard what he said? Brown, brown, brown, yes.
No, no, no. This is her residence. 27 A--
Yes, about between 3:00 and 4:00 this morning, l understand.
No, no, no.... No, she's no relation, no.
Well, just let's call her a good friend, shall we?
l beg your pardon?
Listen to me, my man, l don't like the tenor of that question.
What the girl does here is our affair.
Your affair is to get her back so she can continue doing it.
Well, l'm dashed!
What in all, in heaven Could have prompted her to go?
After such a triumph at the ball
What could have depressed her?
What could have possessed her? l cannot understand the wretch at all
Higgins, l have an old school chum at the Home Office. Perhaps he could help.
Think l'll give him a ring.
Whitehall: 7244, please.
Women are irrational That's all there is to that
Their heads are full of Cotton, hay and rags
They're nothing but exasperating lrritating, vacillating, calculating
Agitating, maddening And infuriating hags
l want to speak to Mr. Brewster Budgin, please.
Yes, l'll wait.
Pickering, why can't a woman be more like a man?
l beg your pardon?
Yes, why can't a woman be more like a man?
Men are so honest, so thoroughly square
Eternally noble, historically fair
Who, when you win Will always give your back a pat?
Why can't a woman be like that?
Why does every one do What the others do?
Can't a woman learn to use her head?
Why do they do everything Their mothers do?
Why don't they grow up Well, like their father instead?
Why can't a woman take after a man?
Men are so pleasant, so easy to please
Whenever you're with them You're always at ease
Would you be slighted lf l didn't speak for hours?
Would you be livid lf l had a drink or two?
Would you be wounded lf l never sent you flowers?
Well, why can't a woman be like you?
One man in a million may shout a bit
Now and then There's one with slight defects
One perhaps whose truthfulness You doubt a bit
But by and large We are a marvelous sex
Why can't a woman take after a man?
Cause men are so friendly Good-natured and kind
A better companion You never will find
lf l were hours late for dinner Would you bellow?
lf l forgot your silly birthday Would you fuss?
Would you complain lf l took out another fellow?
Well, why can't a woman be like us?
ls Mr. Brewster Budgin there?
Bruzzie. Oh, Bruzzie, you'll never guess who this is.
You're quite right, it is. Good heavens. By George, what a memory.
How are you, Bruzzie? Nice to hear your voice.
What? You don't say. Has it really been 30 years, Bruzzie?
Quite right. Yes, oceans of water.
Listen, Bruzzie, l'll tell you why l rang up.
Something rather unpleasant happened at this end. Could l come and see you?
Well, l could, yes. Now, straight away?
Right. Good. Thank you.
Goodbye, Bruzzie. Thank you very much.
Mrs. Pearce, l'm going along to the Home Office.
l do hope you find her, Colonel Pickering.
Mr. Higgins will miss her.
Mr. Higgins will miss her, eh? Blast Mr. Higgins, l'll miss her!
-Mrs. Pearce? -Yes, sir.
Where's the Colonel?
He's gone to the Home Office, sir.
There you are. l'm disturbed and he runs for help. Now there's a good fellow.
Mrs. Pearce, you're a woman.
Why can't a woman be more like a man?
Men are so decent Such regular chaps
Ready to help you Through any mishaps
Ready to buck you up Whenever you are glum
Why can't a woman be a chum?
Why is thinking Something women never do?
And why is logic never even tried?
Straightening up their hair ls all they ever do
Why don't they straighten up The mess that's inside?
Why can't a woman behave like a man?
lf l was a woman Who'd been to a ball
Been hailed as a princess By one and by all
Would l start weeping Like a bathtub overflowing?
Or carry on as if my home Were in a tree?
Would l run off And never tell me where l'm going?
Why can't a woman be like me?
You mean that after you'd done this wonderful thing for them...
without making a mistake...
they just sat there and never said a word?
Never petted you, or admired you, or told you how splendid you'd been?
Not a word.
They just congratulated each other on how marvelous they'd been.
The next moment, how glad they were it was all over...
and what a bore it had all been.
This is simply appalling. l should not have thrown my slippers at him.
l should have thrown the fire irons.
Who's that?
Henry. l knew it wouldn't be too long.
Now, remember...
you not only danced with a prince last night, you behaved like a princess.
Mother, the most confounded thing.... Do you--
You!
Good afternoon, Professor Higgins. Are you quite well?
Of course you are. You are never ill. Would you care for some tea?
Don't you dare try that game on me. l taught it to you.
Get up, come home and stop being a fool.
You've caused me enough trouble.
Very nicely put indeed, Henry. No woman could resist such an invitation.
How did this baggage get here?
Eliza came to see me this morning and l was delighted to have her.
lf you don't promise to behave yourself l must ask you to leave.
You mean, l'm to put on my Sunday manners for this...
thing that l created out of the squashed cabbage leaves of Covent Garden?
That's precisely what l mean.
However did you learn good manners with my son around?
lt was very difficult. l should never have known how ladies...
and gentlemen behave if it hadn't been for Colonel Pickering.
He showed me that he felt and thought about me...
as if l were something better than a common flower girl.
You see, Mrs. Higgins, apart from the things one can pick up...
the difference between a lady and a flower girl isn't how she behaves...
but how she is treated.
l shall always be a flower girl to Professor Higgins...
because he always treats me as a flower girl and always will.
l know l'll always be a lady to Colonel Pickering...
because he always treats me as a lady and always will.
Henry, don't grind your teeth.
The bishop is here, Madam. Shall l show him into the garden?
The bishop and the professor? Good heavens, no!
l should be excommunicated.
l'll see him in the library.
Eliza, if my son starts breaking up things...
l give you full permission to have him evicted.
Henry dear, l suggest you stick to two subjects: the weather and your health.
You've had a bit of your own back, as you say.
Have you had enough and are you going to be reasonable or do you want any more?
You want me back to pick up your slippers...
and put up with your tempers and fetch and carry for you.
l didn't say l wanted you back at all.
lndeed? Then what are we talking about?
Well, about you, not about me.
lf you come back you'll be treated as you've always been.
l can't change my nature or my manners.
My manners are exactly the same as Colonel Pickering's.
That's not true. He treats a flower girl as if she were a duchess.
And l treat a duchess as if she was a flower girl.
Oh, l see. The same to everybody.
You see, the great secret is not a question of good manners...
or bad manners or any particular sort of manners...
but having the same manner for all human souls.
The question is not whether l treat you rudely...
but whether you've ever heard me treat anyone else better.
l don't care how you treat me.
l don't mind your swearing at me. l shouldn't mind a black eye.
l've had one before this. But l won't be passed over!
Get out of my way, for l won't stop for you.
You talk about me as though l was a motorbus.
So you are a motorbus. All bounce and go and no consideration for anybody.
But l can get along without you. Don't you think l can't!
l know you can. l told you, you could.
You've never wondered, l suppose, whether...
whether l could get along without you?
Don't you try to get around me. You'll have to.
So l can, without you or any soul on Earth.
l shall miss you, Eliza. l've learned something from your idiotic notions.
l confess that humbly and gratefully.
Well, you have my voice on your gramophone.
When you feel lonely without me you can turn it on. lt has no feelings to hurt.
Well, l can't turn your soul on.
Oh, you are a devil!
You can twist the heart in a girl just as easily...
as some can twist her arms to hurt her.
What am l to come back for?
For the fun of it. That's why l took you on.
You may throw me out tomorrow if l don't do everything you want.
Yes. And you may walk out tomorrow if l don't do everything you want.
And live with my father?
Yes, or sell flowers. Would you rather marry Pickering?
l wouldn't marry you if you asked me and you're nearer my age then what he is.
l'll talk as l like. You're not my teacher now.
That's not what l want and don't you think it is.
l've always had chaps enough wanting me that way.
Freddy Hill writes me twice and three times a day. Sheets and sheets.
ln short, you want me to be as infatuated about you as he is, is that it?
No, l don't. That's not the sort of feeling l want from you.
l want a little kindness.
l know l'm a common, ignorant girl, and you're a book-learned gentleman...
but l'm not dirt under your feet.
What l done...what l did was not for the taxis and the dresses...
but because we were pleasant together and l come to...came...
to care for you.
Not to want you to make love to me...
and not forgetting the difference between us, but...
more friendly like.
Well, of course. That's how l feel.
And how Pickering feels. Eliza, you're a fool!
That's not the proper answer.
lt's the only answer till you stop being a idiot.
lf you want to be a lady, you must stop feeling neglected...
if the men don't spend half their time sniveling over you...
and the other half giving you black eyes.
You find me cold, unfeeling, selfish, don't you?
Off with you to the sort of people you like.
Marry a sentimental hog with lots of money...
and thick lips to kiss you, and thick boots to kick you.
lf you can't appreciate what you've got, you'd better get what you can appreciate.
l can't talk to you. You always turn everything against me.
l'm always in the wrong.
Don't be too sure you have me under your feet...
to be trampled on and talked down.
l'll marry Freddy, l will, as soon as l'm able to support him.
That poor devil who couldn't get a job as an errand boy...
even if he had the guts to try for it?
Woman, don't you understand? l have made you a consort for a king!
Freddy loves me. That makes him king enough for me.
l don't want him to work. He wasn't brought up to do it as l was.
l'll go and be a teacher.
What'll you teach, in heaven's name?
What you taught me. l'll teach phonetics.
l'll offer myself as an assistant to that brilliant Hungarian.
What, that imposter? That humbug? That toadying ignoramus?
Teach him my methods, my discoveries?
You take one step in that direction, l'll wring your neck!
Wring away! What do l care? l knew you'd strike me one day.
That's done you, 'Enry 'lggins, it 'as.
Now, l don't care for your bullyin' an' your big talk.
What a fool l was
What a dominated fool
To think you were the Earth and sky
What a fool l was
What an addle-pated fool
What a mutton-headed dolt was l
No, my reverberating friend
You are not the beginning and the end
You impudent hussy!
There's not an idea in your head or a word in your mouth that l haven't put there.
There'll be spring every year Without you
England still will be here Without you
There'll be fruit on the tree And a shore by the sea
There'll be crumpets and tea Without you
Art and music will thrive Without you
Somehow Keats will survive Without you
And there still will be rain On that plain down in Spain
Even that will remain Without you
l can do
Without you
You, dear friend
Who talk so well
You can go to
Hartford, Hereford and Hampshire
They can still rule the land Without you
Windsor Castle will stand Without you
And without much ado We can all muddle through
Without you!
You brazen hussy!
Without your pulling it The tide comes in
Without your twirling it The Earth can spin
Without your pushing them The clouds roll by
lf they can do without you, Ducky So can l
l shall not feel alone Without you
l can stand on my own Without you
So go back in your shell l can do bloody well--
By George, l really did it l did it, l did it
l said l'd make a woman And indeed l did
l knew that l could do it l knew it, l knew it
l said l'd make a woman And succeed l did
Eliza, you're magnificent.
Five minutes ago you were a millstone around my neck...
and now you're a tower of strength.
A consort battleship.
l like you this way.
Goodbye, Professor Higgins. You shall not be seeing me again.
Mother!
What is it, Henry? What's happened?
She's gone.
Well, of course, dear. What did you expect?
What am l to do?
Do without, l suppose.
And so l shall.
lf the Higgins' oxygen burns up her little lungs...
let her seek some stuffiness that suits her.
She's an owl sickened by a few days of my sunshine.
Let her go. l can do without her.
l can do without anyone. l have my own soul!
My own spark of divine fire!
Bravo, Eliza.
Damn, damn, damn, damn
l've grown accustomed to her face
She almost makes the day begin
l've grown accustomed to the tune That she whistles night and noon
Her smiles, her frowns Her ups, her downs
Are second nature to me now
Like breathing out and breathing in
l was serenely independent and content Before we met
Surely l could always be that way again
And yet l've grown Accustomed to her looks
Accustomed to her voice
Accustomed to her face
Marry Freddy.
What an infantile idea. What a heartless, wicked, brainless thing to do.
But she'll regret it. She'll regret it.
lt's doomed before they even take the vow!
l can see her now Mrs. Freddy Eynsford-Hill
ln a wretched little flat above a store
l can see her now, not a penny in the till
And a bill collector beating at the door
She'll try to teach the things l taught her
And end up selling flowers instead
Begging for her bread and water
While her husband has His breakfast in bed
ln a year or so When she's prematurely gray
And the blossom in her cheek Has turned to chalk
She'll come home and lo He'll have upped and run away
With a social-climbing heiress From New York
Poor Eliza
How simply frightful
How humiliating
How delightful
How poignant it will be On that inevitable night
When she hammers on my door ln tears and rags
Miserable and lonely Repentant and contrite
Will l take her in Or hurl her to the wolves?
Give her kindness Or the treatment she deserves?
Will l take her back Or throw the baggage out?
Well, l'm a most forgiving man
The sort who never could, ever would
Take a position and staunchly never budge
A most forgiving man
But l shall never take her back
lf she were crawling on her knees
Let her promise to atone Let her shiver, let her moan
l'll slam the door And let the hellcat freeze
Marry Freddy.
But l'm so used to hear her say
''Good morning'' every day
Her joys, her woes
Her highs, her lows
Are second nature to me now
Like breathing out and breathing in
l'm very grateful she's a woman And so easy to forget
Rather like a habit One can always break
And yet l've grown Accustomed to the trace
Of something in the air
Accustomed to her face
Oh, we are proud. He ain't above givin'lessons, not 'im. l 'eard 'im say so.
l ain't come here to ask for any compliment...
and if my money's not good enough, l can go elsewhere.
Good enough for what?
Good enough for you. Now you know, don'tcha?
l'm come to 'ave lessons, l am. And to pay for 'em, too...
make no mistake.
What is it you want, my girl?
l want to be a lady in a flow'r shop 'stead o' sellin'...
at the corner of Tottenham Court Road.
But they won't take me unless l can talk more genteel. He said he could teach me.
Well, 'ere l am ready to pay, not askin' any favor, and he treats me as if l was dirt.
l know what lessons cost as well as you do and l'm ready t'pay.
l won't give more than a shillin'. Take it or leave it.
lt's almost irresistible. She's so deliciously low...
so horribly dirty. l'll take it.
l'll make a duchess of this draggle-tailed guttersnipe.
l washed my face and 'ands before l come, l did.
Where the devil are my slippers?
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